The silence is almost deafening.

For the first time in almost twelve years, I'm home by myself, all day, every day during the week. Although really, it's the first time ever, since I worked right up until L was born.

I can go where I want, when I want. I can watch a movie in the middle of the day without having to check the rating (haven't yet but I could). I can listen to music as loud as I want, with lyrics that aren't child-friendly. I can eat junk food for lunch. I can tidy up the house and have it stay that way.

It sounds good but I'm having some trouble adjusting. I feel unfocused and unable to concentrate on anything for any period of time. Maybe because it feels temporary, like J is going to come home from school one day with a note saying there's been a change and Grade 1 will now be every other day, just like kindergarten. I can't seem to wrap my brain around the idea that this is the way things will be from now on.

I know I'll get used to it. I know I'll find my own routine. I know that eventually I'll love it.

But for right now, I kinda miss the company.

Yeah. I never thought I'd say that either.

Posted by Ripley on September 10, 2003