Yesterday and today.

Yesterday started off well. I got a bunch of things done in the morning and then my brother called to see if I was going to be home in the afternoon. He and my Dad dropped by after lunch and we did some cleanup on my Dad's old computer, which is going to be my brother's new computer. My Dad forgot to bring the keyboard and mouse so we borrowed the keyboard from Bishop and the mouse from Ash. Lucky for him I had multiple options.

They left fairly late in the afternoon, I got some more work done, and then... I don't know... the bottom kinda dropped out. Everything was fine one minute and the next I was crying and in an extremely bad mood. It may have been a passing comment (which was not meant to hurt me), or tiredness, or f*cked up hormones, or a combination of all three, mixed in with some other, less recent things. I don't know what it was but my otherwise okay day was over.

I got the kids off to bed and figured I'd just curl up on the couch and watch mindless TV shows. But I couldn't find the remote. Ice'll tell you and the kids will tell you that when I can't find the remote, I tend to go a bit psycho. Yes, I know the TV will operate without the remote and yes, I know people used to do that all the time. I was one of them. But back then, TVs had dials, not buttons, and it was much easier and faster to get from one channel to the other. Not to mention the fact that there were only half a dozen channels to go through, if that, compared to the 60+ I have now.

So my mood got worse and when I finally went to bed, I couldn't sleep. I was tired but my brain just would not stop. I was still awake at 5:30am and for some time after that. I'm not really sure how long because I stopped looking at the clock. It wasn't helping.

When I got up this morning, I was exhausted but less weepy. I forced myself to do a few things but, by mid-afternoon, I was done, finished, incapable of coherent thought. J was busy playing computer games and the girls weren't home yet so I grabbed my afghan, got in my comfortable chair, and kinda sorta dozed. When the girls got home, they tried to talk to me a bit but I felt like I was answering them underwater. You know how in dreams where you are trying to make yourself understood or you're trying to run but everything, every small movement, takes an incredible effort? It was like that.

Eventually, I woke up completely and I felt so much better. My mood had shifted back to normal, I no longer felt like crying, and my energy (such as it is) had returned. It was such a relief.

And no, that doesn't happen to me very often.

(whoa, is it nasty out there! I can barely see the houses across the street so this is the worst it's been so far this winter. Yeah, yeah, I know. I talk about the weather too much.)

Posted by Ripley on February 11, 2003

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